Resolve Here! December 31, 2008

I’m hanging out solo tonight with a sleeping kiddo in our hotel room, while Jasper hangs with his 94-year-old grandma. I’m having a rockin’ internet new year’s eve, so I thought I’d post here some resolutions for 2009. I usually resolve many things so that if one or two come true, I feel satisfied, but I don’t think I have a great list this year. Here’s the best I can do:

1. Spend more time alone with Jasper.
2. Be more diligent about Mavis’ dental care.
3. Work really hard to make January and February, which I normally find very depressing, interesting months.
4. Take a real vacation at some point, one that doesn’t involve visiting family (she writes, as she is on “vacation” visiting family…)

Any for you guys?

Freaky Crushes December 19, 2008

OK, I need a little break from all things holiday at the moment, and this topic skittered across my brain last night watching the Food Network.  It reappeared in my brain this morning when I heard on the radio that it is Brad Pitt’s birthday today (he’s 45, and apparently moisturizes frequently).

My topic/question is:  who are your freaky crushes?

Brad Pitt is a normal crush (not one I really have, but it is normal).  Harrison Ford used to be my normal crush, but he’s gotten a bit long in the tooth for me (still think I’d give him a second look though…).  Celebrity chef Tyler Florence is my current normal crush (cute, at least pretends to be relatively normal, AND cooks, gotta love that).

What I find more interesting are people’s freaky crushes.  The ones that make no sense. The ones where if people knew you had them, they would tilt their head and look at you with a mixture of confusion, worry and a bit of pity.

Here are mine:

1.  Duff from Ace of Cakes:  Me thinks Duff is not someone you’d pick out of a crowd for me.  But the combination of biker ‘tude and baking prowess just grabs me.  Add in the great sense of humor and his delightful silliness with his kid brother (who is maybe 5 or 6), and my crush is complete.

 

2.  Rabbi Jay Holstein.  Jay Holstein was one of my first professors at the University of Iowa 20+ years ago, co-teaching the monster (400+ students) liberal arts elective, Judeo-Christian Tradition.  He is barely 5 feet tall, bald and quite skinny. But he made me laugh harder than almost anyone I’ve ever met, and made me think too.  I ended up with a religion minor due to taking every class he taught.  A highlight was a course called “Quest for Human Destiny.”  I still have the notebook from that class — it was amazing.  I don’t think I’m the only one who had a freaky crush on him since one day there was a wrapped package waiting on the podium that he unfortunately chose to open in front of the class.  Um, there were black mesh undies inside.  I swear, I did not do it.  Really.  Wish I would have thought of it though…

3.  Bill Clinton:  OK, again, not the only woman who has (might be had at this point for me) this crush, but really, it is freaky, no?  He’s not hot, and c’mon, he’s a pretty shady character when it comes to the ladies, right? But when the whole Lewinsky situation was happening, I talked to my college roommate one night, and we both freely admitted, “yep, I’d do Bill.” 

Now Barack Obama is far superior in the hawtness category, but I have no freaky crush on him. I think it is the lack of naughtiness factor.  I suspect he saves all his naughtiness for Michelle, which keeps him out of any freaky categories for me.

4.  Daniel Radcliffe:  Why is it freaky, you ask? Well, I am 43, and he is 19.  If I were a man and he were a 19-year-old girl, you’d definitely call it freaky, right?  Creepy might be a better term.  And if anyone uses the word Cou*ar in relation to this might get flamed.  (That whole term and concept makes me gag.)  But still, that young Daniel makes me have all sorts of illicit Mrs. Robinson-like thoughts.

I have a longer list, but I’ll stop at 4 and ask others to submit their own.  And I believe my freaky crush issues started before I was 10 when I had a crush on Roy Clark from Hee Haw…

OK, share.  Who are your freaky crushes?

The joy of doing nothing November 23, 2008

We did very little today, and it was lovely.  We did make it to church, even though I wasn’t very motivated to go, and Elsie had a blast in the church nursery. They ran a slideshow of this year’s confirmation candidates, and it reinforced why I love our church.  There was such diversity in the group, which is an unfortunate rarity in the catholic church.  I wish the school system in our neighborhood was half that diverse.

OK, I tried to watch a little Dora with Elsie while some laundry finished up in the basement, and I have to say, I don’t get it. I admit that it was a very old episode (our neighbors gave us a bunch of old VHS Dora’s), but man, that was lame.  Borderline annoying.  And this from a woman who watches a frightening amount of Barney.

Barney is a Coen Brothers film compared to Dora.  What am I missing?

Sorry, this was going to be a post about lolling about, reading the paper, and eating pork tenderloin.  My apologies for letting Dora dampen my love of laziness.

Thanks November 22, 2008

Thanks, everyone, for your kind thoughts about the situation with my mom.  I talked to her this morning and feel better about the situation.  I needed a little time to settle down and then things felt a lot saner.  Somehow, she had no idea how much that news would shake my siblings and me.

Today I’m writing a paper.  I am going to finish it today.  I type that here so that you can hold me accountable. Because what I’d really like to do is take a fabulous nap.

File Under: Things I Am Not Prepared For November 21, 2008

1. My mother getting older.

My mom sent a weird email to me and my siblings tonight in which she informed us in a completely unconvincingly cheerful tone that she had had a “silent heart attack.” It happened over a month ago and she has known for a while but hasn’t told us. It doesn’t look like the effects were as damaging as they could have been, but she’ll know more soon. Then she proceeded to discuss our plans for Christmas. I got it right before bed, so now of course I’m up late, not sleeping and not able to talk to anyone.

I’m really shaken, in part because I have two chronic diseases that put me at a risk for heart issues. it is a sobering wakeup call. I am also scared for my mom and, selfishly, kind of angry that she presented this information this way because it puts us at such a loss for how to respond. I know she doesn’t want to worry us, but revealing it like this is more worrisome than if she had just mentioned it along the way. So if we act worried, we disappoint her and make her feel guilty, but I can tell she’s scared, too, so how do I reach out? I did ask her, in a reply, to please never withhold that information from us again, because it just seems scarier when she reveals it as a former secret.

My grandmother, her mother, also had a “mini stroke” a couple of months ago. In addition to being afraid for my own health and their health, I’m not at all prepared for my grandmother to pass away, even though I know that at my age I’m lucky to still have a relationship with my grandmother at all. And I’m even less ready for my mother–a work horse, a fighter, a tough one–to start getting sick with the illnesses associated with age. For all her hard work and sacrifice over the years, she has little to no retirement savings. She lives alone. It’s very hard for me to imagine anyone but her taking care of her. We have absolutely no plan for handling this in the future.

But I’m not ready, either, emotionally. Do you ever look at your life and just wonder when you stopped being a child? When you stopped being a teenager? When you stopped wanting to get older? I marvel at it all the time. But these kinds of concerns–the feelings of vulnerability they uncover: wow. I’m not ready, sometimes, to be a grown up. I’m sad and scared.

Racism is Over (?) November 8, 2008

Has anyone else noticed how gleefully the press are turning out stories about the end of racism with the election of Barack Obama? I am completely fascinated by this, especially about the stories people keep reciting about how now minorities can tell their children “you can be anything you want to be” and it no longer being “a lie.” Don’t get me wrong–I’m a huge Obama supporter and am pleased as peas about the historic nature of his election (as opposed to the plain-old practical he’s-smart-and-not-Bush reasons). But it’s a little creepy to me that the mainstream media are so willing to act like this means that oppression has somehow fallen away just because Obama ran as a “post-racial” candidate. Not all people have the same ability or privileges to be able to be perceived as Obama was, as “post-racial.” Nor would they necessarily want to. What’s more, it’s weird to me that white folks like me (and I’m guilty of this too) keep saying how “proud” we are of having elected a black president. I’m proud that we have a black president, but it’s more because the choice was a conscious rejection of some terrible parts of our history (not to mention our present-day society), not because his election proved what a progressive, inclusive, enlightened country we already were. I worry about how minorities will be able to voice real and persistent structural racism when “but we have a black president!” is posited as a response to any such allegation.

Since long before Obama won the nomination, I was predicting the “end of racism” discourse that would emerge after his potential victory. But it seems now like it’s even weirder and more complicated than I expected. The academic geek side of me loves watching this unfold. But the citizen part of me worries about what exactly it’s trying to do.

Challenges I didn’t expect November 5, 2008

Over the past year, we’ve run into a challenge with Elsie that continues to confound me. When she gets in a whiny mood, she is simply brutal to her daddy.  It ranges from not wanting him to sit by her (or sometimes look at her) to refusing to let him help her with anything to outright meanness (if he touches her or god forbid kisses her, she will vigorously wipe it off).  She’s even kicked out at him a few times.

Max is an incredibly devoted father, and when Elsie is not in “a mood” they are the best of friends.  They have their little patter and private jokes, and honestly, they laugh together non-stop.  And it pains him to no end when she does a 180 and is borderline abusive to him.

What could be causing this? Is it standard two-year-old (almost three at this point) stuff?  And how should we react?  I don’t want to reward her for being unkind by comforting her when she screams and cries about having her father dress her or put her to bed; that seems wrong. But it also feels wrong to punish her for being mean to him, even though we would discipline her (we do brief time outs and take away privileges) for being outright mean to a neighbor or friend.

It’s exhausting, and I don’t feel like we’re dealing with it well, or even consistently for that matter.  And yes, she was tired tonight when she melted down. But tired or not, it wasn’t the way you ever want to see your child treat your spouse.  It’s really making me sad, and I know Max is in a funk about it.

Thoughts?

One Sour Note November 5, 2008

Today I feel the full weight of my citizenship and everything that means more than I ever have before.  I am so grateful to Barack Obama and to the people of my country.  I cried last night in a messy, wonderful way.

At the same time, I’m really disheartened not only by the apparent success of Proposition 8 in California but also by the passing of the Arkansas initiative that will bar gay couples from adopting children.  I hadn’t heard about this until very recently, and now that I know, I feel ashamed that as a person who has the heterosexist privilege of having adopted, I didn’t do anything to fight for gay men and women and for the children of Arkansas and beyond who need homes.  It hurts me to think about it.  I read on one of the web sites that supported this initiative 9I read it because I happen to be teaching a class today that is about gay families–just a coincidence, but well timed) that gay people are supposedly taking advantage of the lack of foster and adoptive homes in order to advance their “social agenda.”  Breath-taking.

I don’t know about you all, but when I brought my daughter home, I had no agenda other than to love her and share whatever wisdom I could impart with her.  I called it making a family.

Unclenched, and so damn proud November 5, 2008

I had the TV on mute when I saw the words on the screen:  Sen. Barack Obama elected President of the United States. I don’t even have the words to describe how I felt, but proud is probably closest.

We got it right — nice job America.

Already Late November 2, 2008

I’ve just (like right now) decided to try to blog once a day for the month of November in the spirit of NaMoBloMo (Did I spell that right?).  Lulu, you up?  I’m 45 minutes late for November 1, but I’ll try to think of something to say before this blog goes totally off the rails.  I can’t vouch for quality here, especially because November is one of my busiest months.  But I miss having a place to write things.

So.  Where to start?

I thought it might be interesting to talk about ways we see other things we do–work, volunteerism, voting, etc.–as acts of parenting.  I’ve been thinking this since an Obama volunteer called me last night and asked me to volunteer all day on Tuesday for the election.  I hesitated as I tried to figure out how to handle Mavis.  The woman who called said, “I understand.  You have to put your family first.”  And I maybe sounded a little weird, but I said, “Well, not always.  Sometimes there are bigger things than your own personal concerns.”  I’ve always bristled at that “put my family first” line.  I can’t think of a reason my family is more important than other families.  I have, of course, more responsibility to mine, but not exclusive responsibility.  Plus, I think, it seems to me like I’m very aware of Mavis and my role as a mother as I volunteer for Obama or, like I did today, stand in line for 2.5 hours to vote early for him.  It seems like a parental duty as well as a civic duty.  Just like I picked the city and the school district where I will send her to school, I’m trying to shape the country in which she’ll grow up.

I have saved some mementos from this election to show her in the future.  I brought her to a rally.  I’m transmitting to her in this way, I hope, my values.

What’s good for all families is what’s good for my family too.  So on Tuesday Mavis will be enjoying some daycare while I work for Obama. And for her, too.