So, what do YOU want to talk about? March 11, 2009

As you well know, I can natter on about very little, and maybe we can motivate Coco back for a post.  What’s on your mind?  Any new challenges to discuss?

And how can I get my three-months-without-an-accident, fully pee-potty-trained kid to POOP on the potty!?!?!?

FCC = Faking China for our Children February 18, 2009

My post-Chinese New Year/Spring Festival reflection this year is that while I may not be flunking Culture 101 with Elsie, at best, I’m maintaining a C-.

Areas where I am doing well:

1. Finding other families like ours for Elsie to relate to. OK, I have hit a pretty solid homerun here. Between our travel group, people I met online who have become friends IRL, and others I have encountered along the way, nearly all of Elsie’s non-school friends are internationally adopted children. But this was easy, and it isn’t really central to culture now, is it? 
2. Reading a great deal on race, culture and identity.  And we have solid diversity in our toys, books and videos.
3. Talking about China and the area where she is from with Elsie.

That’s it. A pretty short list of areas that get a B or above.  I gave myself too much of a free pass when Elsie was so little, but it has kept me from developing good habits in this area. 

OK, here are the areas where I am doing very, very poorly.

1. Building relationships or at least frequently interacting with Chinese-American/Asian-American families. With our current circle of friends (see above), Elsie must think all Asian children have white parents. The only in-road we’ve made here is with our former neighbors, who have become friends (they are from the Philippines, they have two children, the youngest is a 5-year-old girl Elsie adores). The mom is a stay-at-home “super mom” type that I struggle to relate to, but she is very kind, so I am trying. 
2. Making a solid plan for incorporating Elsie’s language into her education. According to USNWR, we live in one of the best 100 school districts in the country, and it was a driver in our house purchase 8+ years ago. That’s the good news.  The bad news (to me) is that the elementary school in our neighborhood is French immersion. Sigh.  My husband leans toward having Elsie attend that school so she can have a more typical community school experience (bus stop is nearby, her school friends would live nearby, she would be in school with some of the same kids through high school, etc.). I lean toward the relatively close Chinese immersion school where Elsie can get the exposure to Chinese language and culture that we can only offer second hand at home. (FYI, Elsie is from a Cantonese speaking province, so Mandarin will not be a language she has heard before, but it would obviously benefit her in our return trips to China as a family, as well as any travel to the area she would undertake on her own, not to mention provide another bridge to her heritage.) Since Max and I lean in different directions on this, we keep putting off our decision, which we can only do for roughly another year when Elsie turns four and we need to get her on the list for the Chinese school.
3. Truly incorporating aspects of Chinese culture into our daily lives. Spring Festival made this crystal clear. My lame excuse is that we were all terribly sick at different points of CNY this year. But even if we had been well, I did not have much of a plan. As I read other AP blogs about making noodles and jiaozi, cleaning the house to prepare, attending festivals, and of course distributing hongbao, my heart sank. It’s not as if I turned around in surprise one day to see that Elsie is Chinese. And it shames me that I have fallen into lazy patterns I swore I would resist. This particular issue came to a head for me at our local FCC chapter’s CNY celebration. I have never had a good experience at their events, and yet, I registered for it thinking it was better than nothing. It wasn’t. First, it was held from 1-5 p.m. on the last day of CNY. So, horribly inconvenient for kids who still nap (like mine), and not exactly a rousing kick off to Spring Festival. Second, it was just awful, save for the CAAM dance troupe performances. Now, we did get there late, so perhaps we missed something profound, but looking at the agenda, I think not. Table after table of vendors hawking nasty cliche’ Chinese trinkets (didn’t keep me from buying a cute umbrella and chopstick cheaters), a carnival consisting of dumb games and cheesy prizes, and a dragon dance that started 20 minutes early (so no one was in the right place) with two gawky white teenagers under the dragon who were done long before the music stopped (the kid under the head finally took it off and yelled, “ok, enough with the music, we’re done!”).  And for this, I paid a little over $40. Never again.
4. This last one pains me to write because I have vowed to remedy it for a year, but I still haven’t finished Elsie’s lifebook. I have it about 2/3 finished, and I just can’t seem to commit to finishing it. I know part of it is a fear of getting it wrong, but not doing it at all is certainly no solution.

So, enough hand wringing.  What am I going to DO about all of this?  One immediate (within the next 30-60 days) thing I am going to do is join CAAM and start attending their events rather than FCC events. Maybe even enroll Elsie in their dance classes. Second, I am going to make a calendar of activities we are going to do around Chinese cultural events (other cultures too), some of which will be focused on our immediate family, and some of which will involve outside/sponsored events. Third, Max and I are going to attend a very premature tour of said Chinese school (and talk to a few parents I know who send their kids there) to make a more informed decision. And finally, I will finish the lifebook.  Really.  I will.  Hold me to it, ok?

So, now that I’ve nattered on as usual, what about the rest of you? Where are you doing well in terms of cultural connections for your kids?  Where could you do better?  What resources are out there to provide real help/support?

And is everyone’s FCC chapter as lame as mine?

Imposter February 12, 2009

The Octomamas are not pleased that triplets mother in the news is being called the “octo mom.”  There is, was, and always shall be, just one.  Oh, wait, two.  And at one point three…

Anyway, she is not one of us.

Freaky Crushes December 19, 2008

OK, I need a little break from all things holiday at the moment, and this topic skittered across my brain last night watching the Food Network.  It reappeared in my brain this morning when I heard on the radio that it is Brad Pitt’s birthday today (he’s 45, and apparently moisturizes frequently).

My topic/question is:  who are your freaky crushes?

Brad Pitt is a normal crush (not one I really have, but it is normal).  Harrison Ford used to be my normal crush, but he’s gotten a bit long in the tooth for me (still think I’d give him a second look though…).  Celebrity chef Tyler Florence is my current normal crush (cute, at least pretends to be relatively normal, AND cooks, gotta love that).

What I find more interesting are people’s freaky crushes.  The ones that make no sense. The ones where if people knew you had them, they would tilt their head and look at you with a mixture of confusion, worry and a bit of pity.

Here are mine:

1.  Duff from Ace of Cakes:  Me thinks Duff is not someone you’d pick out of a crowd for me.  But the combination of biker ‘tude and baking prowess just grabs me.  Add in the great sense of humor and his delightful silliness with his kid brother (who is maybe 5 or 6), and my crush is complete.

 

2.  Rabbi Jay Holstein.  Jay Holstein was one of my first professors at the University of Iowa 20+ years ago, co-teaching the monster (400+ students) liberal arts elective, Judeo-Christian Tradition.  He is barely 5 feet tall, bald and quite skinny. But he made me laugh harder than almost anyone I’ve ever met, and made me think too.  I ended up with a religion minor due to taking every class he taught.  A highlight was a course called “Quest for Human Destiny.”  I still have the notebook from that class — it was amazing.  I don’t think I’m the only one who had a freaky crush on him since one day there was a wrapped package waiting on the podium that he unfortunately chose to open in front of the class.  Um, there were black mesh undies inside.  I swear, I did not do it.  Really.  Wish I would have thought of it though…

3.  Bill Clinton:  OK, again, not the only woman who has (might be had at this point for me) this crush, but really, it is freaky, no?  He’s not hot, and c’mon, he’s a pretty shady character when it comes to the ladies, right? But when the whole Lewinsky situation was happening, I talked to my college roommate one night, and we both freely admitted, “yep, I’d do Bill.” 

Now Barack Obama is far superior in the hawtness category, but I have no freaky crush on him. I think it is the lack of naughtiness factor.  I suspect he saves all his naughtiness for Michelle, which keeps him out of any freaky categories for me.

4.  Daniel Radcliffe:  Why is it freaky, you ask? Well, I am 43, and he is 19.  If I were a man and he were a 19-year-old girl, you’d definitely call it freaky, right?  Creepy might be a better term.  And if anyone uses the word Cou*ar in relation to this might get flamed.  (That whole term and concept makes me gag.)  But still, that young Daniel makes me have all sorts of illicit Mrs. Robinson-like thoughts.

I have a longer list, but I’ll stop at 4 and ask others to submit their own.  And I believe my freaky crush issues started before I was 10 when I had a crush on Roy Clark from Hee Haw…

OK, share.  Who are your freaky crushes?

Not ready to throw in the octo-towel November 30, 2008

Well, NaBloPoMo is over, and we survived with just one or two missed days. Thanks, Coco, for covering my hiney several times along the way.

I just send the URL to a friend today, and I was re-reading some of the November posts, and then some of our early posts, and it made me think. We still have plenty to talk about on the site. So, no, I’m not ready to let go just yet.

Maybe we do need to reconsider format, topics, promotion/readership and a few other things. But I hope we can figure it out and stick around for a bit.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I still need a little help figuring things out…

Abundance November 27, 2008

In a time in our world where so many have so little, I sometimes feel embarrassed about all we have. We are far from wealthy, but we have a cozy home, plenty to eat, manageable non-mortgage debt, and steady income.  We have wonderful friendships, and mostly healthy families that we get to see pretty frequently.

Most importantly, we have each other, and as Max, Elsie and I enjoyed a pre-Thanksgiving treat at Starbuck’s this morning, I thought about how huge that is in my life. We waited so long to be a family of three, and I really worried about how high my expectations were becoming of what family life would be for us.

Not everything has been expected. Not everything has been rosy or blissful (by any stretch).  But I cannot even describe how fulfilling it has been for me personally, and for us as a couple.  I am so thankful we took this leap of faith, and I am eager to see what the days, months and years ahead bring to our lives.

We really do live in abundance at our house, and I mean that in all the ways that truly matter.

When the song (or video) remains the same… November 25, 2008

 In a comment to my last post, Cate says:

I have a Dora dvd but my boy will only watch one of two videos – both Sesame St singalongs. Good in theory but i am starting to go a bit bonkers. How do you get them off one addicted video? Seriously – big time meltdowns if I put on Dora or anything else but “the two”. HELP!

We have a similar situation at our house, and I’ve just started trying to address it.  Elsie used to be delighted with any/all videos — Sesame Street, Barney, Pooh, various kid’s music video options, etc.  But lord help me, now she is all about Barney, and she has been for months. 

We don’t do a huge amount of video time, usually 30 minutes in the morning while Max and I are getting ready for work.  And at some point during the week, there’s generally one full-length Barney in the basement family room while I’m doing laundry or other downstairs projects.

I’ve been trying other options, but she definitely has a huge preference for Barney.  It seems to be very music/singing driven.  I tried The Wiggles, but honestly, they creep me out. Elsie has very little interest in plot-based videos, but she’ll do one every now and then (see Dora nightmare below).

So here’s the question(s):

1.  How do you diversify your child’s video viewing?

2.  Suggestions for kid’s videos with singing that won’t drive me crazy?  Although, I am a freak.  I don’t hate Barney.  I just need a little more diversity.

3.  Is Ni Hao Kai-Lan less annoying than Dora?  I was thinking of putting the Season 1 DVD on Elsie’s Christmas list.

Thoughts, suggestions, recommendations, therapy?

Where do we go from here? November 21, 2008

OK, I was pretty encouraged to see five responses to Coco’s future of Octomama post.  It certainly isn’t about whining for comments, really.  We just envisioned the site as less blog and more discussion forum.  Sometimes, it has been that, and it has helped me a lot on a few topics.

So, what next?  What would you, our lovely few readers, like to see this site become?  Is it a question of more promotion, like Cate mentioned?  Is it rethinking the overall purpose/content of the site?  Is it finding more contributors?

Do you go to blogs anymore?  I really do, but often just to check up on friends, and like Coco, I don’t comment much.  But my other blog has really become a true mommy-blog, so it has been nice to have this site as well. A large part of me would hate to see it end.

Sound off — what do you think?  Where should we go from here?

Reporting Back on the Field Trip November 19, 2008

Since Cate asked, and it means I don’t have to muster up a real post, here’s a brief recap. 

The field trip was a HUGE success, and Elsie sat next to her BFF, “School Mia,” (yes, we know way too many Mia’s).  Mia was quite nervous about the bus ride, and apparently Elsie was very sweet about reassuring her and making her laugh.  Several of the teachers commented that the bus trip was more fun for most of the kids than the bookstore or bakery.

I heard that the ride was “very bumpy,” but hey, it’s a bus, right?  But Elsie also claims that there were no seatbelts. I need to clarify, since up is down and yes is no a great deal with her.  But Julie, I was told it was a custom bus with seatbelts, but no childseats.  Is that even legal for kids that young?

Again, I obsess…

Halfway home November 17, 2008

OK, we are a little more than halfway through the month, and I may be out of things to say. Don’t gasp, really, I do run out of babble eventually.

But Coco’s post made me think that yes, I do live a similar existence in some ways, but I don’t juggle nearly as much. And yet, I am tired.  I think there’s a reason people do this parenting thing a wee bit earlier than their 40s.

And am I completely overprotective to worry about the field trip my daughter is going on tomorrow? It sounds delightful; they are going to one of the best bookstores in town for storytime, then to the nearby bakery. Really, it looks fun — I wanna go!  Trouble is, they are going on a bus.  No childseats, just seatbelts.  My baby isn’t even three yet.  But I don’t want to be “that mom,” so I signed the permission slip.  Still, I worry…